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Sunday, July 30, 2006

Someone's sneaking 'round the corner Could that someone, be Jack the Knob

What a joke, Jack Straw’s appeasing the Muslim community statement about the disproportionate retaliation of the Israeli Army. Jack must have gone to the same armchair general academy as‘Rummy’. You may remember him, he pushed the US Army so far up the road to Baghdad that they left their stores and reserves behind and got flanked by units of the Iraq Republican Guard. Big hush hush job on that piece of news.

Anyway back to our Jack. So proportionate retaliation would mean Israel firing back the same way the Hezbullah attack? Hmmm, that could go on for years, would it not? So what is the best way to stop terrorist attack? Well don’t ask Jack for Christ’s sake, we would all end up with super doper biometric, self arse wiping identity cards. Israel are doing the right thing militarily speaking and well within international law, they are invading a country that has allowed and supported terrorist activity. They are then going to seek out, during the occupation, the supporters and activist of the Hezbullah and kill them, as these people live by no other law than their own, definably not the law of Allah. Now I am going to make it simple for you Jack. If you really piss a big boy off in the play ground and he lives by the creed of eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. You will get your rimless spec’s bent out of shape and your nose blooded.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

A boquet of barbed blogs

An unwanted copy of ‘the mirror’ slithered like pit viper on to my door mat and in the process shed it guts of scratch and some thing bloody awful and a revised Argos catalogue which offered us the opportunity to buy some Elizabeth Duke chav baubles or a garden shed suitable to set up a meth lab. I have often thought how influential the Argos catalogue is, I live in a one horse town with only three legs and am often referred to this trader by local shops keepers who don’t have the foresight to stock that under the kitchen sink item one so desperately wanted to complete a gourmet meal that one of the many TV chef’s and there gang of assistance offer up on a Saturday morning. My old school friend, who is a long serving trooper of the culinary battlefield declares openly the these celeb chefs are either sexual deviants and do something indescribable with Monk fish, kitchen porters or swear they have been train by some foody guru, which basically means they were beaten up, sworn at, abused. All for the sake of the culinary art. He says if people really understood what goes on behind the kitchen door, they would not frequent these restaurants. But since its all been televised and society have awarded these bully boys with celebrity and hide from their small minds, the attacks, actual injury, and in some cases rape. My angry friend has said, one can serve any old shit, bung a hefty price on it. The people will rage about it, because they won’t admit that they are stupid enough to pay nine pounds for scrambled eggs with a sprinkle of chives. Dear reader if you are now thinking hmmmmmm with chives. You are lost and far beyond recovery in fact you may be a ‘the mirror’ reader and if you think like the idiot that edits the sad rag that the money grabbing Macca’s war with his disabled wife is more important than the danger our sons and daughters have to suffer because of the American fuckup in Afghanistan and Iraq. You must vote Lib Dem. What should be on the front page is a warning to Commissar Blair and his fellow Scottish communist (The Cabinet)how much shit the a special relationship we have with Bush and his military expert Donald Rumsden. Rummy seems to think that taking on several aggressive fronts is good tactics. Blair is still buying into this rubbish even after running to Bush and asking for a rerun of their chat show the last time Bush was in the poo. If we are not worried about Rummy and his funny mates, we should be. There is going to be more July the 7th’s and more loss of liberty. Am I saying that Britain has fallen for the Scottish Communist Ideal? Yes I am. Thats why Blair got the job over John Smiths choice to lead New Labour, Gordon Brown. Gordon lacked that certain something for the International stage. I say Gordon would have fucked Bush up the ass, Rummy would have looked on and Bush would not have known a thing about it. Who is your choice to act as a military buffer for the Lebanon? When do you think, the USA will blitz krieg Syria? Too difficult a question? Try page thirty of the Argos supplement. £4.48 for a must have toaster, for the guest room.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

A Blog not far enough.

Thanks to Colgate and its motorised toothbrush, American woman are reaching new sexual heights, the vibrating brush head revving at several thounds per minute is the new joy for unfound G-spots. Everready batteries are strongly recomended for a lasting performance. Coming close to the sexstasy top ten is the David Beckham's endorsed vibrating triple headed razor for men by Gillette. The same firm make a pink version for the ladies. Girls, you can now buzz when you de-fuzz.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

jeep jeep. jeep jeep

Total Twatery, we are in the land of the muppets, When my partner and I arrived at a dealership to pick up our new car, we were told by a very vexed sales guy that the keys had been locked in it. We went through to the service department. We found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to everyone, "it's open!". “Dargh?! Said the stressed mechanic. “I know I just done that side. The sales guy’s face was buried deep in his hands he said I am so sorry he spoke to you like that, but if we could just leave him to it, I am sure he’ll have it open in a jiffy.