The Goodyear Blog

Bear shit, true or false?

Goodyear Blogger — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 10:19:00 +0000

God I hope so, I've been in the woods and have trodden in some. I don't know if its the combination of Acorns and Berries, but its defeniatly sticky. Some times I wonder if NASSA should use it to glue the tiles to the space shuttle or Coop strengthen its supermarket carrier bags. Unibond should test the stuff to back up the the No Nails products, affectionatly known as 'No Hope'. Suggestions for this remarkable natural resource, leave them in the usual place. If you find the product on your travels leave it where it is, walk swiftly away keeping an eye over your shoulder. OK, BooBoo?

Lethal Blog

Goodyear Blogger — Sun, 20 Aug 2006 11:42:00 +0000

The majority of this country believes that the state shall not take life in retribution for crime. As more attempts are made to kill on mass by Terrorist action. There is a shift in general thought to reintroduce capital punishment, to discourage further attempts on the UK. It was first thought the main offensive were subjects of Muslim countries. We now know that we are dealing with a home bred, possibly a second or third generation British subjects of Muslim faith. Should we protect our country, society and laws with this definite action? (Comments please) Like Bush’s America? The USA has been shocked in to severe paranoia that federal system declared war on its own electorate, who in turn are prepared to bring back the ultimate punishment with some of the 50 states looking at a rival of law or like Florida considering an upgrade from electrocution affectionately known as ‘Old Sparkey’ to some thing more humanitarian. Its astounding that that a attitude so flippant to annihilation on such elderly apparatus by the sunshine state. That’s the same is even bothering to look for a softer option. Its confusing that they never entertained the deregulation while becoming the number one for children’s amusements.
Guerrillas in our midst. It’s not new for a country to be invaded in such away, as most of us expect the perpetrators to be of another nationality, it offers a comfortable distance. If it is decided that we introduce the death penalty for terrorist extreme action how the individual would be dispatched? Do we choose a method that involves a method that in spire’s a satisfaction, or should we look into a military method, the firing squad? But would that serve the satisfaction of a martyr’s death, Messy, and an indelible damage to the officers and men, who have to perform a destructive deed. There is lethal Injection of course, simple, humane, economical, and impersonal. What should it be? (comments please) What ever method is chosen, should the state decide to descend to barbarism. The trail and the execution must be done with no publicity, no promise of pardon or appeal and no detainment before death. Once the sentence is past a period of six hours must elapse. This may seem a bit harsh but the victims of crime or war were given no chance to prepare themselves. Its unfortunate the society has to consider and take such drastic action. Is there another way to get the message across? Comments Please.

Dibnah, the man, the booze, the women and fags.

Goodyear Blogger — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 14:00:00 +0000

In Fred Dibnah, the BBC, at that time were desperately searching for a working class hero to help 'them, top north' to recognise the Corporation. Fred had the lot, He drank, he smoked and carried the usual cross that we all say, 'the wife'. Fred was genuine what ya saw is what ya got. He was typical. Us hoity toity southerners, could look down our noses one minute, while he happily but ignorantly put the spanner in the works of his own relationships by failing to recognise, the value of his woman folk around him and how we were all surprised that his missus did not take him to the cleaners and how we all wanted to know the name of his divorce lawyer, who served him so well, and appeared to continue to do so when we heard that his second marriage had failed. We all felt that the second lass had her head screwed on right and understood that would never change, but would bare the cross, that’s how much we were all involved. Alas Fred tried the patients of yet another saint. Yet on the other hand Fred would have all the us lads shifting uncomfortably in our armchairs as chimney after chimney would tumble, watch Fred tirelessly climb his ladders then with cold chisel and hammer work his way down again, On several reruns of the show, we got to see how nimble and what a fine turn of speed Fred had when chased by a falling brickwork. This is where we all learn to talk in broad Bolton'ese and say "due liiike that"? With a Old Holborn roller stuck to bottom lip. Fred was a Gem, he was every young mans rascally Uncle. His respect for man kind and a craftsman’s abilities, were lessons for us all, one show proudly being shown the regeneration of a beam engine, another showing respect for a man of the cloth, or simply explaining how he cocked up some engineering thingy that only the doyenne of Dibnah would understand. Fred had his own style, a cloth cap which rotted on his head, working mans overalls and steel toe capped, hard soled boots, black and shiny, would make you wince with imaginary pain from the vilest of blisters one thought Fred must have suffered from wearing the things and of course when Fred retired, he awarded him self a gold watch chain. Tradition that’s what Fred was all about. Its amazing that the Guinness advert people did not pick up on him, after he drank the stuff after a hard days graft, His demographic was clear after all he attracted young and old a like. Dibnah’s Appreciation Societies form Penzance to the Orkneys would pay handsome to have the opportunity to listen to Fred and poor beer down his throat, Fred very rarly bought a pint. But the Guinness people preferred to spend their money on arty farty Bergmann like adverts. Boddingtons missed out completely so on and so forth. Tobacco companies blah blah blah. Fred could have made a mint and done up more steam engines, possibly enhanced his local heritage So when the idea of a night club to be opened in a sea side town populated in winter and summer by habitual northerners what better name Dibnah’s, Fred was a mans man, no Nancy boys, a Mecca for the young men who imitate Fred with cloth cap boots and moustache. Lots of beer, rollups, and pies, crisp and pickled onions and of course Dibnah’s Dollys. Mature ladies of experience or young and inexperienced; don’t think Fred would not have minded either way. Support the Dibnah Experience, comment below support for a Dibnah day where we can go round smelling of our Granddads of Beer, Tobacco and Coal and be appreciated by real woman, who say “eeeee yer remind me of me Dad”. “I’ll tell eee yer in there son” “nah watta mean like”.

Join the KNIGHTS TEMPLERS

Goodyear Blogger — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 15:13:00 +0000

If you feel the same way as we do.

Deep in your heart, you know, you can protect those around you and trust your right arm and your courage to look after others. You know, you are a Knight. If your children or those that love you, feel safe and secure in your presence. Then and there is no doubt. you are a Knight of the Temple. Welcome and be secure amongst friends. Be sure that your heart and mind will be appreciated, respected, and welcome with your many brothers and sisters that daily join us. Share your knowledge and learn with us. Leave you email address in the comments box, along with your questions. A Knight will contact you.

A PROMISE

Knights Templers, The Code, The Graal.

Find Maria Rip Off Blog

Goodyear Blogger — Sun, 06 Aug 2006 17:34:00 +0000

Finding a Maria? My bottom, what a blatant con, Bryony, the knock kneed girl, who is worryingly bi polar, is a ringer, just to pep up a bogglingly boring talent show. Poorly presented. By a little Irish queer who has a face like a punched pig and about as entertaining as erupted carbuncle. The programme is clearly designed to con the coppers out of the pathetic viewer, by invitation to dial in a vote. Perhaps feel gratified you might have made a difference. This is the talentless seeking the almost talentless. No wonder Lord Creepy is panicking about the selections.

The bossy lesbo matrons at the BBC have fitted us up again and guess what we deserve it. We pay a licence fee, for what? Watch ailing celebs fall off Horses and again spend our hard earned shirt buttons on a vote that is manipulated. We rolled over when hapless hags closed Top of the Pops, because they could see no way of raising ‘vote income’ from it. Spend your money on a favourite charity. This is television without substance, couth or skill.

Nazi Brother Blog

Goodyear Blogger — Sun, 06 Aug 2006 10:56:00 +0000

Congratulations to AOL PageMaker’s, the Editor must have been so pleased. Normally I avoid doing the poll thing, yes, no or simply don’t give a flying Corgi. But this one just had to be done, it was AOL’s Big Brother Boredom Poll, and for the first time, I found myself in agreement with others Yes it is bloody tedious. In fact the whole concept of the voyeur programme is mind rotting. My cat has more fun watching the dog go through several contortions trying to lick its itchy ring piece (its hilarious when he tries to do it on polished floor). What’s the fascination? Are we that dumbed down? That we appreciate the stimulation of watching sexual deviants coerce the moral and ethical behaviour of the other housemats (I meant house mats). The current load of misfits, are an effective emetic. Which is, a positive, but the only one I want to admit to? What is concerning, is the pretence that the programme makers take note of the votes. I want to see the megla weirdo’s who run this rubbish in the house then I can vote then into the nearest corporation gas chamber. These people take advantage of the hopeful and the self obsessed, play god and humiliate, and that’s the audience. The housemates get it easy. Like a zoo they get top medical cover and quality feed, as and when they perform to the satisfaction of the programmes producers. I am surprised they have not got round to darting the poor bastards in the arse when they are wanted in the video room as extra entertainment (BBC have been showing zoo vets do it for years) The show is a Nazi’s dream, punishment and control, deselection and deprivation. What will the viewer be lulled into witnessing next? I know, select a manic depressed schizoid psychopath with a mega esteem problem, supply some cheese wire and every time he or she bumps off a house mate they get a Fortnum and Mason’s food hamper. Dr Mengaley, the Nazi who experimented on children would be so proud. This programme is a perfect test bed for commercial psychologist to try out their theories, with each little task a test for behaviour and reaction. Rewards are the temptation and the power. Big Brother, like the Nazi Mengaley is an abuse. Email or text the Big Brother. Tell them they are abusers.

oxyblog

Goodyear Blogger — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 14:53:00 +0000

"I wanna see every single pair of hands, in the place, clapping".

George, instructing audience at a Queen gig.

"I wanna see every body cuffed and your name given to the officer when you leave this men's bathroom".

Officer Goodyear, instructing, fun seeking Bum Bandits at the Central Park Gay Pride fest.

On both occasions, there was a lot of clapping.

Lyse Doucet. A New Star over Bethlehem

Goodyear Blogger — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 13:59:00 +0000

Lyse Doucet. A star of the Middle East. First seen on our screens anchoring the round two of the Iraq conflict from a Israel, She’s not a glamour puss but defiantly tops the pops as the thinking mans crumpet. Her distinct French Canadian accent cracks like a whip across the poorest of satellite connections, Lyse would be the first to admit she prefers radio. She has never let the BBC News viewer down with her local knowledge of the situation, and never hesitate to go for the big interview and offers the same quality with street interviews. Her experience as a stringer for the BBC World Service, in Africa set this unique style and pattern. Her current work with the Israeli, Lebanon crisis is exemplary, she is able to talk with the Israeli Military and is appreciated as a true Journalist and broadcaster. Holder of a silver Sony and broadcaster of the year award. Lyse is a specialist on the continent of Africa, the Middle East, and liaising, reporting with both side of a military conflict. Admirers of Lyse and her work hope she will be rewarded, Her growing fan club seem to think so. She deserves a Nobel prize for aiding peace.
Born in New Brunswick, eastern Canada, Lyse has a Master's Degree in International Relations from the University of Toronto and a BA Honours Degree from Queen's University at Kingston. She also holds an honorary doctorate in Civil Law from King's University in Halifax, Nova Scotia.
She lives in Jerusalem, but has operated in Afghanistan, Iran, Jordan and many of the world Middle Eastern trouble spots.

A Blog to eternity.

Goodyear Blogger — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 09:15:04 +0000

I found the cat, dead behind the TV this morning. I seem to remember hearing a loud bang during the night, and I remember waiting for the dog to voice his opinion. No warning from him so I must have eased back into my slumber. The cat was an efficient killer, in the spring time, like Genghis Kahn it would set up an awesome campaign against fledglings, leave evidence of slaughtered rodents on the garden path for you to skid and slide on during the dash in the rain to the car, and during its rare charitable moments bring in a half dead baby rabbit for us to look after, bring back to health and murder it later in a fit jealousy, it reminded me of my first mother inlaw.

There’s no denying it we all have our morning rituals mine is TV on for the news, I like to watch BB1 for an unbiased view on the world. Then flick to CNN for the truth then over to Fox just to see how they slant the same story, just to keep American voters comfortable and finally a dip into the European scene to fine out who is going to be rear ended by the French. By that time the water has boiled for a body slamming slug of fair-trade Zanzibar Coffee that really comes from Kenya. Well neither happen, the fuses had tripped and continued to trip. By a process of elimination worthy of Inspector Lynley and his chwowa look alike (well she does it the eyes) side kick. I discovered what was making the house trip out was the TV. With the result the dead cat, and the strong odour of cats piss. Well Havers, its obvious the cat took a wazz behind the TV , while it was on standby. Pussy got its arse fried and is now stiff as a piece of MDF. I have had my coffee, made a mental note to write to the Kenyon Ambassador , made arrangements with Mr Dixon and his amazing shed of Japanese consumables, to rush round the latest in High Definition as the insurance is koffing up for it. Finally and with all sensitivity dispose of the demised moggy. Bin bag for a shroud and internment or a Tibetan style funeral. I think the dog will be quietly delighted after all it was not our cat.

A Blog not far enough.

Goodyear Blogger — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 08:23:00 +0000

Thanks to Colgate and its motorised toothbrush, American woman are reaching new sexual heights, the vibrating brush head revving at several thounds per minute is the new joy for unfound G-spots. Everready batteries are strongly recomended for a lasting performance. Coming close to the sexstasy top ten is the David Beckham's endorsed vibrating triple headed razor for men by Gillette. The same firm make a pink version for the ladies. Girls, you can now buzz when you de-fuzz.

A boquet of barbed blogs

Goodyear Blogger — Sat, 29 Jul 2006 11:50:00 +0000

An unwanted copy of ‘the mirror’ slithered like pit viper on to my door mat and in the process shed it guts of scratch and some thing bloody awful and a revised Argos catalogue which offered us the opportunity to buy some Elizabeth Duke chav baubles or a garden shed suitable to set up a meth lab. I have often thought how influential the Argos catalogue is, I live in a one horse town with only three legs and am often referred to this trader by local shops keepers who don’t have the foresight to stock that under the kitchen sink item one so desperately wanted to complete a gourmet meal that one of the many TV chef’s and there gang of assistance offer up on a Saturday morning. My old school friend, who is a long serving trooper of the culinary battlefield declares openly the these celeb chefs are either sexual deviants and do something indescribable with Monk fish, kitchen porters or swear they have been train by some foody guru, which basically means they were beaten up, sworn at, abused. All for the sake of the culinary art. He says if people really understood what goes on behind the kitchen door, they would not frequent these restaurants. But since its all been televised and society have awarded these bully boys with celebrity and hide from their small minds, the attacks, actual injury, and in some cases rape. My angry friend has said, one can serve any old shit, bung a hefty price on it. The people will rage about it, because they won’t admit that they are stupid enough to pay nine pounds for scrambled eggs with a sprinkle of chives. Dear reader if you are now thinking hmmmmmm with chives. You are lost and far beyond recovery in fact you may be a ‘the mirror’ reader and if you think like the idiot that edits the sad rag that the money grabbing Macca’s war with his disabled wife is more important than the danger our sons and daughters have to suffer because of the American fuckup in Afghanistan and Iraq. You must vote Lib Dem. What should be on the front page is a warning to Commissar Blair and his fellow Scottish communist (The Cabinet)how much shit the a special relationship we have with Bush and his military expert Donald Rumsden. Rummy seems to think that taking on several aggressive fronts is good tactics. Blair is still buying into this rubbish even after running to Bush and asking for a rerun of their chat show the last time Bush was in the poo. If we are not worried about Rummy and his funny mates, we should be. There is going to be more July the 7th’s and more loss of liberty. Am I saying that Britain has fallen for the Scottish Communist Ideal? Yes I am. Thats why Blair got the job over John Smiths choice to lead New Labour, Gordon Brown. Gordon lacked that certain something for the International stage. I say Gordon would have fucked Bush up the ass, Rummy would have looked on and Bush would not have known a thing about it. Who is your choice to act as a military buffer for the Lebanon? When do you think, the USA will blitz krieg Syria? Too difficult a question? Try page thirty of the Argos supplement. £4.48 for a must have toaster, for the guest room.

Someone's sneaking 'round the corner Could that someone, be Jack the Knob

Goodyear Blogger — Sun, 30 Jul 2006 10:03:00 +0000

What a joke, Jack Straw’s appeasing the Muslim community statement about the disproportionate retaliation of the Israeli Army. Jack must have gone to the same armchair general academy as‘Rummy’. You may remember him, he pushed the US Army so far up the road to Baghdad that they left their stores and reserves behind and got flanked by units of the Iraq Republican Guard. Big hush hush job on that piece of news.

Anyway back to our Jack. So proportionate retaliation would mean Israel firing back the same way the Hezbullah attack? Hmmm, that could go on for years, would it not? So what is the best way to stop terrorist attack? Well don’t ask Jack for Christ’s sake, we would all end up with super doper biometric, self arse wiping identity cards. Israel are doing the right thing militarily speaking and well within international law, they are invading a country that has allowed and supported terrorist activity. They are then going to seek out, during the occupation, the supporters and activist of the Hezbullah and kill them, as these people live by no other law than their own, definably not the law of Allah. Now I am going to make it simple for you Jack. If you really piss a big boy off in the play ground and he lives by the creed of eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. You will get your rimless spec’s bent out of shape and your nose blooded.

jeep jeep. jeep jeep

Goodyear Blogger — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 20:15:00 +0000

Total Twatery, we are in the land of the muppets, When my partner and I arrived at a dealership to pick up our new car, we were told by a very vexed sales guy that the keys had been locked in it. We went through to the service department. We found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to everyone, "it's open!". “Dargh”! Said the stressed mechanic. “I know I just done that side. The sales guy’s face was buried deep in his hands he said I am so sorry he spoke to you like that, but if we could just leave him to it, I am sure he’ll have it open in a jiffy.